Hi everyone, my name is Ricki Spencer and I am going to tell you my story. My truth my way.

I am a 52 transgender person living with a disability.

My truth.

I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror and the mirror tells me that you are 52, fat and unattractive. you should lose weight; you should be healthier you should be happy. But you shouldn’t not live in the life you are living at the moment.

You eat too much, you take too much medication, you walk to slow, you take up too much room on public transport. You have too many opinions. How you dare speak for other women.

You are only a trans women, you have no rights here. how dare you call yourself from the stolen generation. You’re not black enough. you’re not white enough

You trouble the world every day and you take up space.

You take up space in our cis gendered world where we interact every day with other people who are able bodied. We walk quick, we walk the streets,

How dare you take your time, slow us down? Make us look at you, pity you.

I then look away from the mirror and I reflect on my life

And I start to reconsider my voices in my head.

Why do I feel this way?

Why does the mirror speak to me in such a disgusting tone?

Of hatred.

It purifies my soul with its distant for its loathingness of my existence,

But I realise something, it is not the mirror that is speaking to me, but it is experiences that I have faced all my life.

I’ve been marginalized. Being someone who stood out. Being someone who is ridiculed. Whose body was weaponized against them.

I can no longer walk like I used to, my mental illnesses that I have had for 40 years. You cannot see them, but I feel them.

I live my life the best I can

And now I am living my way. I am living my way

In my journey

And I am happy about myself.

I look in the mirror and I see a beautiful woman.

A mature aged 52-year-old trans woman

Who wants to make a difference in the world.

And yes, she has disabilities

Yes, she may walk slower. She may take up room on buses and public transport

But she has a right to be here just like you

Although she may use services now to get some support

She still feels part of the queer community

She is alive and she loves life

And she wants you to know that

She is a survivor and she will survive

And one day she hopes you will understand that living with a disability is just another way of living.

Thank you for hearing my story.

And this was Ricki Spencer.

A video of Ricki reading their work in a well-lit room. Ricki is wearing red glasses and a fabric rose is clipped onto the top right of her head in her hair. Their hair is just over shoulder-length, brown and wavy with blonde highlights towards the bottom. They are wearing a pink and white striped shirt with a sleeveless black fluffy vest on top. Throughout the video they are reading out loud from an orange notebook which they are holding. The switch between looking at the book and looking at the camera throughout the video. In the background there is a large trans flag which is blue, pink and white hung on a yellowed brick wall. There is a wall socket to the right of the flag and the bottom edge of a painting with orange and green swirls above the flag.