The Story of Self-Raising Flower v. Hymn of ‘Tiger Parenting’
By Michael Chan
Content Warning
Discussion of emotional abuse, mentions of child abuse, discussion of poor mental health, discussions of racism, discussions of ableism.
Disclaimer: This piece of writing uses the language Michael identifies with and reflects his personal perspectives and experiences. It does not necessarily reflect all experiences or perspectives of those that may share the same background or identities but shares his story.
My name is Michael; I’m 37 years old and living with my parents. While enjoy living the Greater Geelong area because of proximity to Melbourne where I’m working, I was actually born in Swan Hill – north-western Victorian town and my cultural heritage is Chinese. Due to my family influences I travelled to Hong Kong, Macau and United States for visiting my relatives like aunts, uncles and cousins. Besides working within the hospitality industry I kept myself active in connection within the community setting and activities such as attending choirs, being part of disability advisory committees, even I got into acting and performing arts with Back to Back Theatre. Despite being diagnosed with High-functioning Autism, from what I hope for is to continue giving back to society with the true meaning of what was ‘diversity’ is all about while, at the same time grappling with challenges to be grown up with ‘Tiger parents’. My hobbies include running, power walking, weight training, spending time outdoors to enjoy sunshine, travelling and socialising, singing and listening to music, and baking and cooking cakes and desserts. This is MY STORY.
Photo of Michael standing on the grass of a backyard, with a fruit tree, fence and the sky in the background. Michael is Chinese and has short black hair. He has his lips puckered out and is closing his eyes in the sun. He wears a grey shirt with ‘New York’ on it and grey shorts. His hands are at his chest holding several green apples that appear to have come from the tree behind him. He has a watch on his left arm. You can see his shadow behind him.
Growing Up
I was born in Swan Hill, a northwestern Victorian town located on the south bank of Murray River on 5 July 1983 – coincidentally I am a curious, sophisticated Pig. Ever since I was born, I have been raised by my late grandmother as my second-generation Chinese parents had to own and operate a local Chinese restaurant – it’s really busy and bustling by the time we begin our golden era. Not just simply the fact that contrasted climatically comfortable with hot, dry summers while enjoying crisp, pleasant winters I have no impression, at all, of what does Swan Hill look like – as an flourishing township boasted with substantial post and telegraph office and a church, made of brick which belonged to the Church of England and a small wooden chapel owned by some other denomination.
Photo of a “welcome to Swan Hill” sign in the middle. The background is a bright cloudy day with limited blue sky showing through. There is a road either side of the sign with a red car on the right, on the far side of each road is a collection of trees. The sign sits on a middle patch of grass and has several small trees below it, which makes it look like the sign is resting on the trees. The sign itself is a medal shape, and is brown, with the writing being in cream. There is a decorative line below “swan hill”
Not to mention, there’s Murray River Road Bridge which connects through to enter the New South Wales border has become a heritage listed by the NSW Government. From what I wish is that, because of such a quiet township my dad is a chef and we could go to the river to catch fish for making dinner or riding on paddle steamers to stroll along the river while enjoying bright sunny skies. Not long before our family have decided to leave Swan Hill and relocate ourselves to a place that can be closer or even more convenient; to search for even more promising future to rebuild our family life. We have been so many places for our family visits, like Hobart and then United States to see our grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Upon arriving back home I remembered that we have been settled in the quiet town of Colac, serves as an ‘Gateway to Otway Ranges’.
Family expectations
Due to my family influences I travelled to Hong Kong, Macau and United States for visiting relatives like aunts, uncles and cousins. Whilst in US I enjoyed having dinner parties with family friends and relatives, where the table filled with so many food, snacks or dishes serving up for any occasion. Sometimes I’m going out with my cousins to enjoy our nightlife because I’d being treated like bring back childhood memories of heading for summer school camps, where I get to enjoy fun-filled activities like hiking, paragliding and having intimate sleepovers. I’ve got no idea how can I play a huge part of growing up in that part of the world that has influences on my life, and everyone not knowing if I couldn’t give my piece of the story to share among those who cared about me.
Photo of a large group of people taken at a restaurant. The table is at the front and there are various plates, cups and utensils with food and drinks scattered. There are 3 toddlers sitting directly behind the table. Behind them are 12 adults who are all facing the camera and smiling to various degrees. Michael can be seen as the second person in the back on the left side. In the background is the roof of a restaurant and bright lights.
At age 6 I left my family to going to Hong Kong with my aunt (my mum’s second sister) and my late grandmother, where I’ll settled there for more than a year while my family probably moved to Geelong – to seek more better opportunities ahead of them. I feel myself so bemoaned about how I miss my family so much while being away from home; often enjoying fresh air and not even as much bustling as in Hong Kong because it is too many people getting crammed up. Since returning home I finally been settled in Geelong and then attend Grovedale Primary School – to begin my education.
Photo of a young Michael, who is a chinese person and his grandmother. Michael’s grandmother is sitting on a chair on the left side of the photo. She has a black and white bob haircut, has a resting face and wears a patterned dark green coat with a red top underneath, as well as light brown pants. Michael is sitting next to her, but on the floor. Michael has floppy short black hair, is lightly smiling and looking at the camera. He is wearing a brown long sleeve jumper and a blue shirt can be seen popping out underneath. In the background is a calendar, a green couch and white curtains.
My humble beginning
While taking care of my grandmother at home, my parents owned and operated Geelong’s renowned Chinese Restaurant – Man Bo Tower (now called Man Bo), which is right opposite the GMHBA Stadium, where Geelong Cats played home AFL matches eight times a year. I realise that when I entered the door welcomed by golden dragon statues on the either side of entrance to the lobby, I saw the antique which something is so precious – the large Eagle landed above the garden pond. Behind the eagle is a large Chinese calligraphy that writes 大展鸿图, 鵬程萬里, which means ‘by achieving excellence, future prospect is brilliant’.
Once entering the dining room uniqueness of interior design that truly sets into the tradition – like the bottom of the bar stand was made like bamboos, wallpapers were filled with patterns and the large, rectangular wall is called “Nine-Dragon Wall”. Prior to the profession that I’m currently worked on, customers are hoping to see these sculptures that wishes their future could be bright and glorious while enjoying quite an relaxed atmosphere; ensuring to be delivered with finest, memorable service within sort of fine dining environment so they’re expect themselves to be happy and enjoyable.
While standing behind the front desk/cashier I had an impression of seeing former Prime Minister – the late Hon. Bob Hawke came to dine at this restaurant, alongside with his government officials and dignitaries. The pictures have been taken on 6 July 1988 (the fact that just before our family bought this business, which was ran for 18 years). One of most memorable moments has been, whilst studying Year 12 VCE we have been hosted luncheon before turning our heads to the GMHBA Stadium where been hosted our world’s renowned spiritual leader – Dalai Lama!
Photo of a red sign with photos on it, sitting on a white wall that has light tree wallpaper on it. The sign has a decorative gold border and the rest of it is red background. There are 12 small photos on the red backing, with 5 horizontally along the top edge, 5 horizontally along the bottom edge, and one vertically along each side. The details of the photos are indistinguishable, with various tables of people and faces being all that is clear. In the very middle of the sign is a darker red rectangle. It has cream writing on it. The writing is unreadable.
My early diagnosis
It really hits me home so hardly because I’m not fully aware of having early diagnosis of autism; didn’t actually have an intention to live and stuck in my own world. In my opinion, autism is often conceptualised as a condition of social impairments and communication abilities. Autistic people are seen as lacking the ability to effectively and enjoyably interact with others. The abilities and characteristics of autistic people varies widely from day to day, situation to situation; putting blanket that labels on us is not helpful when trying to articulate our specific needs and strengths.
When I was child I feel so ashamed because it make me as ‘mummy’s boy’; feeling so attached to my mum all the time when we go to shops, especially travelling to Melbourne either by train or car so she just presumably I often cannot go to any shops and stores alone. And even during my adolescence I was lonely and it even more so now because it’s so much harder to make friends as an adult when everyone already has strong friendship circles. When I grow up, I thought of myself most likely to function myself more independently, complete an degree or have a job; just require extra support from my family. One day, I’m so freaked out when I began meltdown with screaming or sometimes crying while walking down the streets with my auntie in Hong Kong.
Now it’s all changed; when I’m getting older I just feel like I’m a lot more curious than I used to before. I realised that I began to make good eye contact for some periods or understand body language and facial expressions; typically when I go for job interviews it seems pretty boring. Why’s that? You know, I realise that job interview is such time-consuming process, I mean recruiters spending too much to go over all the candidates with their applications which entails their education, experiences and other things like skills and achievements.
As for me, answering every question being asked is just like having a warm conversation; exchanging information between us and pass on knowledge that I have a power and ability to sell myself. There’s no secret ingredient to success; I normally ‘be myself’ for having something to discuss which stemming ideas put into the conversation and had to answer two to three minutes to give them an ideal why should I be an excellent candidate. And I really did something about it – I truly am able to hold conversations with intimacy and feels like I could be pass on to be ‘neurotypical’. I’m so proud to be a ‘high-functional’ autistic; trying to lessen my motor skills, otherwise my parents ought to be crazy when they see.
Filial Piety
The old Chinese saying from a phrase on how to obey your parents, in two words: filial piety. This is what I thought of being obliged to be good to my parents, take care of them and show respect and kindness to ensure how I’m willing to accept who I am, in this dynamic society. For example, my parent’s needs and wants must consider like buying their favourite food like Roast DUCK or BBQ Pork or prepare a cup of coffee or tea – it’s an act of victual and care respects. But now, we’re in the 21st century and once it’s becoming more civilised and modernised society I believe the expectations and practice of being filial to parents and even grandparents have been declined. That’s because we more get used to social media platforms such as Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter even WeChat not causing our communication lines are streamlined, literally gives me a circle of friends or people around us has expressed our individualism.
Ever since when I was a child, I’ve been so filial to my parents like expecting to wash dishes, buy something to eat and drink when travelling to Melbourne and making coffee. It’s some kind of old-timer’s ritual that our youngsters trying to get respect, not letting go of those traditions been set in our family. But when I’m getting older and wiser I think I better make meaningful decisions to make my choices and control over my life by setting my own boundaries as much as I can – don’t be bothered about being criticized of my impiety because there’s no family rulebook at all. Late last year when I told my parents that I’m going to America for the tour they’re so reluctant to letting me go because they feel like I’ve been a beloved son – treated like a mummy’s boy. I understood this as part of my responsibilities to help out with my family, but I really felt my parents should’ve utilized the resources around them first, rather than always doing something that is much of benefits for themselves and me.
Family Values
Family values is one of other attributes that are more prevalent to our Chinese families, especially on their traditional beliefs that has been long dated back to the past like my parents, but such kind of expectations and practices had been gradually decreased due to major and dramatic changes in today’s society. As for me, it’s been a privilege to be lucky enough of living with my parents with some luxury any families wouldn’t enjoy but I really want to give this opportunity to be closely connected with someone who was willing to share their heartfelt stories and experiences within the community.
From what I am wondering is interrelated to the movie Crazy Rich Asians where the novel quoted by 14th century Arab traveller Ibn Battuta – ‘Nowhere in the world are there to be found people richer than the Chinese.’ But don’t take for granted yet, my wealthy Chinese family aren’t seems to be as crazy as I thought but being a one (and only) son of my immigrant parents has definitely related to the pressures that how might these characters have centralizes in our family. I was told from a noticeable young age my responsibilities in life is to pass higher marks, get a degree, have good job prospects, get married and have children. But it was thing from the past and my long-term commitments has suddenly taken a wrong turn as, probably my father has set up such unrealistic goals and pathway all planned for me and when I’m getting older, I struggled.
Besides being not too ‘nonverbal’ that most autistic people showing that they either never learn to speak in few words or have difficulties in talking to or carrying on such conversations with other people it’s importantly noted that I rarely have ‘meltdowns’ or shutdowns than I used to when I was a child. All my aggression, violence or even stim loudly around other people in varied environments have been disappeared and I have this feeling that my positivity towards my life-changing condition is contagious. I don’t feel any stress breakdown or ‘meltdown’ during the plane flight – whether crossing Pacific towards United States on such long journey or many islands through to Hong Kong. Luckily, I’m so brave enough to overcome fears and uncertainties with my high levels of poise and calmness under pressure, like performing a show to general public.
Hard work, enduring hardship
Come back to me discussing further about ‘tiger parenting’ which more phrases that describing our attributes: hard work and enduring hardship. I never thought until now my parents must go through endless time of hardship without any support from childhood to current time – didn’t pay enough much attention about how traumatic can be in their upbringings because they’re so poor at the time. Now, with the big question mark is how I am going to survive if I do, like others running their own businesses and keep thriving during the pandemic we’re now experiencing.
I remember when I was 14 my grandma (i.e. mother by my father’s side) flown in from United States to pay a visit and, by far she pushes everything into limits that I had to do unnecessary chores. For example, once I was forced to cut trees on the backyard and washing dishes such as pots, pans or plates for around 30 minutes. I’m really frustrated in the way we’d live like – as countryside ‘bumpkins’ in China and I’m going have a burnout. Imagine working at rice paddy fields, where farmers had to spend even much longer hours of labour-intensive, strenuous work (presumably not having certain time for break) but much cheaper earnings that would be sparsely enough to make ends meet. According to the information provided via Wikipedia, being an President of People’s Republic of China can earn an year-long salary of 152,121 RMB which equates to around AUD $31,000 – which is quite less than what I earn yearly, with the combination of salary, wages and other allowances from work and disability pension from Centrelink.
Besides he’s my father but having possessed some strict beliefs brought by growing up in the poor family starting from scratch to be more like a ‘top dog’ that emphasises ‘enduring hardships’ that he ever experienced. His self-belief was about ‘I think we should this and I think we should that’ but it was an immense pressure to just stick to the rules that are up to his standard and I believe it’s too much for me to do that.
The beginning of new ‘me’ – Bigger dreams, bigger pathways
I simply used this acting career – whether is TV, movie or even theatre/performing arts, as an escape. Even when I was young I wish I was dreamt of something big, I mean having an concept of being on TV or becoming famous as a celebrity but the things is that never kind of fall into it at all. I guess it was lucky that I never thought of pursuing the career that is out of my scope as intended or laid in one of areas deemed as ‘tolerant’ to Asian (or Chinese) parents. I originally wish to become an Accountant or Bookkeeper (even Financial Controller); ended up working in the world of professional or corporate workplace environment that really suits me. But, suddenly it’s all changed and I have an intention of putting myself into the spotlight; from my humble beginnings of my shy, quiet childhood to become a lot more inspirational, charming man.
I’m so appreciative to go for it and get involved along the ensemble with Back to Back Theatre in our innovative, ground-breaking production of The Shadow Whose Prey the Hunter Becomes, which I get to communicate with AI (Artificial Intelligence) – in Mandarin. It wasn’t actually my mother tongue but I can speak more fluently because we’re expecting an influx of immigrants from Mainland China so since started learning through watching China’s CCTV news on SBS or Chinese movies during childhood I’m getting better grasp of it.
This is a photo of Michael standing in what looks to be a well-lit parking garage or basement in front of a walkway. It is a waist up image of Michael. Michael is a 37-year-old man of Chinese descendance. He has black hair with a receding hair line. He is looking directly at the camara and smiling. He is wearing a smart greyish blue jacket over a white shirt and a tie. The shirt collar is turned up and the tie has diagonal stripes of dark and light blue. He is standing up right, with shoulders back and arms by his side.
In the background you can see a bit of grey concreate floor and a wall of metal air vents. Directly behind Michael, on a white wall hangs a red first aid kit and a blue sticker with undecipherable white writing on it. to the left of him you can see hint of another doorway. Bright light shines on the right side of his face.
This is a photograph of 5 people on an acting stage. All 5 people are in different poses. The stage is made of dark floorboards and the backdrop is black.
To the left of the picture are 2 people, The person in the front is wearing a green/grey long sleeved top, black jeans, and black and white sneakers. She is of Caucasian appearance with dark brown, straight short hair with a fringe. She is side on, crouching down with her body facing to the right. Her head is facing the camera and she is looking up and right out the corner of her eyes. Her right arm is out to the side of her body with a slight bend in her elbow. Her other arm is up and bent over her head with palm facing out and fingers stretch upright.
The man behind her is standing upright. He is of Caucasian appearance and has brown her and a brown/ginger beard. He is wearing a light-yellow t-shirt and grey jeans. He has headphones around his neck. His right hand is raised and bent at the elbow. His left hand is by his side, his fingers fanned out.
On the right of the picture are a group of 3 people. Michael is front, staring directly at the camara with his mouth slightly agape. He is of Asian appearance with a black receding hair line. he is wearing a light blue dress shirt and a light blue tie with diagonal white stripes. Hs is wearing navy blue suit pants and slides. He is in a crouching lunging position facing the camara, right leg forward. He is bent slightly forward from the waist. Both arms are out, bent at the elbows with fingertips towards each other.
Behind him and to his left stands a man of Caucasian appearance staring directly into the camara. He is upright with his hands by his side and his feet together. He is wearing a striped dark blue and white sleeveless Geelong football jersey over a light blue and white tartan long sleeved shirt. The buttons are done up to the collar. He is wearing Navy blue track suit pants and black and white sneakers.
Front and left most is a woman of Caucasian appearance with light brown short straight hair. She is wearing an orange jacket over an off-white turtleneck top. Her pants and shoes are black. The left side of her face is towards the camara. She is looking down and has the start of a smile on her face. She is in a slightly crouched position, bending forward from the waist, facing towards the other actors. Her right hand is straight down by her side and her left is raised horizontal to her body and bent at the elbow. You can see the shadow of the actors on the floor.
Even the fact that I didn’t have an intention to be part of the most ground-breaking production, it exceeds my expectations and seems to be ‘over the moon’. I am really proud that we have raised strong voices for the people out there in diverse communities by celebrating their unique stories and experiences, which aim to foster a sense of belonging among us all. After each performance, there is no higher compliment I could receive than someone reacting like that to my show. I don’t think that an audience can react to a show unless they feel that it’s been made with love, so it feels that their reaction is infectious, and I never held back of doing this before.
A Journey to Let Go of My Need for Approval
It reminds me of the remarkable ‘Baby Elephant Chain’ story, which telling about when baby elephants are chained up for a long time they won’t leave behind even when they start realise to getting older; gaining a lot of sense of freedom and start to let them go. From what I believe is that my parents, especially my father makes lot of decisions for me ever since when I was born and young. As soon as we still yearning, I feel like, even I’m now maturing myself and become more self-confident finding too hard and getting trouble to let this power dynamic go from my family. I don’t understand why those chains that have been mentally created around me; causing me to have something hold me back. Therefore, my parents have whole life pathway are planned by making some unrealistic decisions for me and I need to figure out how to take the power by giving back at something without hurting them.
Ever since when I was a child, I’ve been so filial to my parents like expecting to wash dishes, buy something to eat and drink when travelling to Melbourne and making coffee. It’s some kind of old-timer’s ritual that our youngsters trying to get respect, not letting go of those traditions been set in our family. But when I’m getting older and wiser I think I better make meaningful decisions to make my choices and control over my life by setting my own boundaries as much as I can – don’t be bothered about being criticized of my impiety because there’s no family rulebook at all. I understood this as part of my responsibilities to help out with my family, but I really felt my parents should’ve utilized the resources around them first, rather than always doing something that is much of benefits for themselves and me.
Whenever I misbehave as a child (even now an adult) or disobey orders dad would raise his voice while losing his temper and say hurtful things to me while trying to stop this unhealthy behaviour. Sometimes we are getting along well by trying to be calmer and nice but when we unable to meet up his expectations for doing things to be everything perfect it was a power struggle. I feel that there’s a sense of aggression; pointing out there was a form of emotional abuse which ought to be unsafe to do. It’s normal for me to yell when I get frustrated at something but it’s not normal for dad; yelling to dismiss, criticize or intimidate me when I share my ideas with him that I do respect of his opinion.
Never believe that how unkind behaviour it is and now to learn how would take a lot of self-control and practice. I don’t want to make my life so miserable, just like my dad who endured such traumatic childhood – moving away from home when he was eight because his parents have been shunning him and then come to Australia when he was 16. It’s completely understandable that he got no home to live or even barely have enough money and necessities to make ends meet. And still, he must send money overseas to make sure his parents are able to survive in his way to be filial while working. It really bothers me a lot that my parents didn’t understand what my life is like or choices ever going to make, and I feel like it was my job to convince them. You think I was wrong? The truth is my dreams and goals might never go to be happen because my parents still never understand if I still waiting to be convinced.
I was inspired by self-help author Mark Manson, quoted “We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.” I had mental issues such as changing moods, loss of appetite, poor eating habits. It gets worse; I cried once during work but didn’t show up how bad I am going to feel because I don’t want to lose confidence when I act professionally while working. It feels so embarrassing that my red eyes swelling can be seen in front of esteemed customers! And on the other day, I worked again and feel so depressed which brought me to experience some terrible feeling. I contemplate myself about what was going on with me and I’m so overwhelmed that life’s can be so uneasy to deal with.
The Confessions of my family
Seriously, my father is generally a really great person; being so selfless and kind even don’t know how people would react. But, it turns out really sour at home as he’s dealing with some mental health issues with his poor anger management and outbursts that make him out of control. No one should ever to live their life at family home like this, but our Chinese families always have certain kind of worst tendencies of fighting and yelling probably because of their past struggles had to endure, like pressures to work but barely eat anything to survive.
Imagine, on the movie Sister Act 2:Back in the Habit Rita (played by singer Lauryn Hill) have such an amazing singing voice, full of vibrant personality but sometimes can be rebellious and I wish I could be like that because it’s my life. But when it comes to make a name and reputation for herself, like I do, there goes a confrontation with her strict but well-meaning mother Florence who says ‘singing does not put food on the table’; presuming musical career or any profession in performing arts and entertainment is a dead end.
From what anyone believes it’s true, but as soon as you keep working hard and enjoy each and every moment in that process combined with all that talent and depends on what kind of personality I just really step it all up and go with a flow. This is what ended with us getting into an emotional fight again because it’ll be so unregretful if I realise that I can’t imagine of my superior multitalented – whether is singing, acting or cooking but it’s just for purely fun; getting me out of comfort zone. Now it turns out I had such natural passion for performing arts that I’m really good at and I’d well truly broaden my horizons which my expectations has set well high than I expected.
The challenges and trauma with ‘Tiger Parenting’; understanding of my diagnosis
‘Tiger Parenting’ – this resembles the brilliant Chinese-American lawyer Amy Chua who espouses in her hardline parenting journey using strict child rearing techniques adopted by the ancient philosopher Confucius, probably around 2500 years ago. It is quite typical for Chinese immigrant parents who were planning to further promote the traditions, beliefs and family background of our Chinese culture and how to bring back to the community through gaining the sense of uniqueness, appreciation and respect.
And now, we’ve been facing daily struggles within our family – I was felt neither admirable nor worth emulating to hold children to impossible standards, but instead tiger parents always make them suffer emotionally and psychologically (or even physically) when we failed to reach the bar. There’s nothing should be held encouragement about forcing their children into careers or profession they hate by belittling them for having dreams and ambitions of their own or making them believe that pleasing their parents is more important than their own enrichment and fulfillment. ‘Tiger parenting’ has issues which will subjected to child abuse; making children become rebellious and alienated when one-size-fits-all education philosophies are applied, regardless of their personality or aptitudes.
I hear that tiger cub crying; just simply never buyout the toxic idea that abuse that I endure was promoted by the likes of Chua as ideal parenting within our Chinese family setting – favourable! Don’t get into idea that an Asian parent means one must be a ‘tiger parent’, rather than Western families adopting ‘human parenting’. From what I can pictured myself surrounding our family background is that an idea from Amy Chua has truly been given as a model minority for white conservatives who moaned about how disruptive these uncontrollable brats are (or lunatic millennials). It also helps me learning a valuable lesson to validate the abusive behavior that my father is, and I’m about to relish myself how to stand up to him. I definitely have my own claws, as a defence mechanism that might keep others seeking to gouge me at bay and probably have own parenting style that implies me not to use on my own children.
This is a cartoon image with three figures. In the lower right corner of the image is a young woman holding a paint brush which is the same size as her. She has black wavy hair, one stray strand lies over her face between her eyes, the other strand is up over her head. She is grasping the paint brush with both hands diagonally across her body and holding it tightly to her chest. She is wearing a white long-sleeved top with spatters of light purple and pink paint. There is a splash of pink and white paint on the right leg of her dark green pants. She is wearing one bright yellow slipper on her right foot. The slipper has a smiley face of sorts on it. She has her left leg out and her bare foot is resting on the bottom of the paint brush. The young woman has painted a light purple square around the 3 figures. In the lower left corner of the image there are two figures standing close to each other. One of them is an older bald man wearing a grey/olive long-sleeved V-necked top with a white shirt showing under the v neck. He has one strand of hair sticking up atop his head. He has a white moustache and small round glasses. He looks angry, exasperated. His mouth is open wide perhaps in a yell, his hands are on top of his head. Standing closely next to him is an older woman of Asian appearance. She has wavey black hair and a fringe. She also looks angry, exasperated. Her mouth is open wide. She is wearing a long-sleeved yellow top and has one hand on the side of her face and the other up in the air, reaching towards the young woman. Her palm is opened with one finger bent. She has long fingernails. There is a yellow diamond shape and lines signifying movement of her hand.
So, tigers, like most Asian parents especially Chinese, are quite gentle with their cubs, unless in the Western world we were seeking representation of diversity and always respecting and nurturing our individualism but definitely have our differing viewpoints. I am willing to hope that I take a stand for cultural diversity and representation that gives an important impression within our socially-cohesive community. Take a lead and follow by the greatest example of Melissa Leong – being a first female and Asian-descent judge on Masterchef Australia; definitely setting your dreams into new direction. Leong says “I join the groundswell of people of colour, ability, size and shape on Australian television… and have great hope that as we continue to see change in programs and evolve into new shows, we will see more and more of ourselves within that”. This is what I hope – to shape myself how creative I am and see myself differently; undoubtedly people would expect to hear more and what impacts they can have in their everyday lives.
Despite my early diagnosis and being a person of different ethnicity I’m so appreciative that we should having fun and want to keep us around in such challenging times. And I really take extremely seriously to be a better person because I want to be myself and represent people wishes to hold in high regard or a position of authority by making mindful decisions that are truly inspiring.
This is a photo of a women of Asian appearance, who has her dark hair pulled back and tied neatly in a bun at the nape of her neck. She is wearing red lipstick and long red dangling earrings. She is wearing a sleeveless denim coloured, well fitted tunic with an oriental collar. She is sitting on a stool slightly side on, with her left hand on her hip and her right hand resting on her right knee. The lower part of her legs are out of shot.
The Next Chapter – goals and hopes for the future post-pandemic
People have recommendations such as self-help books and novels and psychology websites and when I check on it, I noted down and read on my own time I’m going to stick their recommendations up along with other tips. One day, there was a fellow member of the Geelong Chorale named Anne Pilgrim – she also came along, presuming with her husband, to watch our show The Shadow Whose Prey the Hunter Becomes on the Geelong tour.
In case of my urgency I think she’s really helpful; go and see a Chinese-speaking counsellor to discuss further about the issues with stereotyping between Chinese and Western families and ignore the cultural stigma of talking to someone about my situation. But it really helps and works well as I thought I’m going to therapy for my anxiety and tension issues with my family. It’s not so easy to have a tough time but being fully open, honest and transparent with my advocate, counsellor and occupational therapist about the things I’m going through. I feel myself almost breathless because it simply weird, wrong and unnatural to talk about my lowest moments with someone who might as well be a random stranger or friendly acquaintance. I got must do it and would have to build healthy relationships within a broader context of community support. That’s what our online autistic community have supports surround me.
How am I supposed to divulge my deepest emotions and interpersonal struggles to a normal person who’s at least 20 years older than me? I’ve been known to my counsellor a couple of months during the pandemic; I trust her, and she helps me with pragmatic things and coping strategies of self-believing in me. She’s great and super helpful but emotional support isn’t one of them because I simply can’t bring myself to be that vulnerability with her. Talk therapy is a modern, capitalist invention – a product of individualism. It’s helpful for a lot of people and what really helps me heal is community support, friendship, affection and open and honest communication.
Another piece of advice was to get a hobby; making sense that friends will come naturally though isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. When I was young I really enjoy hanging out with bunch of funny friends through Gateways ‘Get Up and Go’ program – these are recreational activities that provides a learning curve to live lively and be more independent. When we visited some monumental architectural designs and buildings with full of classical settings and surroundings, I would be stunned to see in which make me feels like it’s ‘to die for’.
I know I must put myself out of my comfort zone, broaden my horizons, gain a lot more perspectives and see more of the world. My goal, ultimately, is always to be happier and healthier but that’s kind of abstract and hard to pin down. I believe in myself I’d be willing to accept who I am, even I enabled to overcome my challenge of living my unique life of high-functioning autism, and it seems to be easier to achieve.
Content Warning:
The Story of Self-Raising Flower v. Hymn of ‘Tiger Parenting’ by Michael Chan (audio):