For people with my specific disability, abuse often plays a role in its development. While it wasn’t the case for me medical staff always jump to that conclusion. For no other reason that I am trans with a migrant father from the middle east.

 

The first time it happened, it was during my first admission. The head of psychiatry and her team entered my room. I got asked the typical questions but i could tell her mind was elsewhere, her attention was at my parents but my Dad in particular. Moments later she asked my parents to leave the room. The first words that came out of her mouth was whether my dad was hurting me she then corrected herself to say if either one of my parents were hurting me, in hopes to hide her bias. I wasn’t able to verbalise fully and struggled to answer her questions but instead of supporting me, this lady kept putting words into my mouth so she could find a reason to call child protective services. I thought this would be a once off but i was gravely mistaken.

 

I roll into every appointment dreading the look of medical staffs faces when they learn my diagnosis and hear about my family tree. It is like a light bulb in their eyes. I’ve gotten so good that I now can spot the exact second that idea pops into their head and I try to squash it before it becomes ingrained in their minds.

 

It hurts to know that there are so many white queer and white disabled people being abused by their parents. Some have lists of proof and evidence but get dismissed straight away due to their parents skin colour, their witness is a shield from blame. But the second my dads full name is mentioned or my last name or a doctor sees how his skin is darker, it is without a doubt in the their brains that abuse must be the cause. The only evidence needed is the darkness of his skin and my trans identity.

 

It is not only the medical field that upholds this misconception nor is it an experience only middle eastern trans young people have. Often its from well intended people, who’ve attempt to educate themselves on the trans experience but failed to take into account the variety of experiences. Like the doctor in my first admission. Looking back I can see she was only looking out for me, thinking I was too afraid to come forward and get help.

 

No one is immune from making judgments and assumptions. I too feel prey to the belief that my father would struggle with coming to terms with having a trans kid. Not because he had said or done anything to suggest that rather by believing the things others said and how the media portrayed my people.

 

My experience doesn’t represent everyone, I was lucky to have loving and supportive family, thats something that a lot of trans people don’t have regardless of ethnicity and culture. There are many POC and CALD trans young people whose parents sadly weren’t accepting, therefore this assumption is an accurate representation of their lives. I do not wish to erase their experiences just show the other side of the coin. No one experiences can truly capture the lived experience of a whole community, we aren’t monolithic after all. All I ask is that people are more open minded to experiences that contradicts their beliefs.